It's a 'psychology'

After reading my first blogpost, one ostensibly wise man told me that I was going through a mere adolescent identity crisis phase. According to my psychology textbook, there are two major identity issues which stare and mock adolescents:

a. The formation of an identity independent from that of their parents.
This surprisingly was never an issue for me.

b. The act of choosing a career option.
This has suddenly transformed into an issue of ginormous proportions for me,
and my household, leading to tears, and screaming, and eventually
(hopefully) some alcohol.

I remember, distinctly, that after this psychology class, I was rather taken aback and frightened. Although the textbook points to an end to this punitive damage inflicted upon us, the more I thought about it, I realised that the entire identity crisis is a never ending cycle. You know, quarter life crisis, mid life crisis...post mid life crisis, and the likes. So, I asked my psychology teacher, will this ever end? Will we ever be spared?

Unfortunately, she didn't say no. She said, however, that according to most psychologists, each crisis that we do endure, leads to stability. The question is, who wants to be stable?

I once remember trying to compare human life to atoms. ( In my defence, I have a very limitted knowledge about atoms ) Atoms, are constantly in motion, trying to attract charges, to become stable...but once they do become stable... they don't exist anymore. What I'm trying to say is, these problems, and issues, and identity crisis, they make us who we truly are. Not stable. And human.

And as Shakespeare said, " Be cheerful. Wipe thine tears. Some falls are means for happier to arise."

Or something like that.

I write. It's just something I do, and it was only natural that I would eventually start a blog. Hence, after quite a bit of inspiration and wee bit of persuasion...I decided that it was time.
The question that is currently circling my mind is 'What the hell should I write about?" And the answer which is in my head is, well, there is no answer.

I am supposedly one of those people who has everything figured out. I know that the last 4 sentences lead to quite a contradictory belief. In my defence, I have other people figured out pretty darn well, which frightens most, intrigues some and frighteneningly attracts few ( Horrible experience, maybe later on that) .

Anyhow, the reason for this piece of ghastly literature is my last attempt to try and find out, not who I am, but what I want to be. As the ever so insightful, and exceedingly annoying psychiatrist Thomas Szasz puts it "People often say that this or that person has not yet found himself. But the self is not something one finds, it is something one creates. "

My current dilemma, having recently passed 11th grade and receiving a lot of free thinking time stands as this : What the hell do I want to do? As I gallop from one career option to another, having decided on absolutely nothing...it saddens me that the moment I decide, I close the doors to all other career possibilties, to an entire life.

I remember watching this movie called " Sliding Doors" which stars Gywneth Paltrow. It's a wonderful movie, with an awesome plot which keeps you hooked till the end. To me, however, this was the most scary movie I have ever seen. It involves two entirely different timelines, one in which the Gywneth catches the train, and in the other she doesn't. And that one moment, that one second, completely changes her entire life. If your presence, or absence, on a train can change your entire life, imagine choosing a career.

Come to think of it, every day, every second, we leave a life behind. Even the act of going to relieve yourself, picking up the phone, wearing a watch can change your entire life.

Think about it.